Lying in bed one morning this week just before fully waking up, in that state of no-thought for a few seconds, I realized that life is nothing but a game. Letting this realization permeate, I had the insight that in the beginning there was NOTHING but the I AM, pure undifferentiated space. After a time the I AM got bored with being all there was and decided to create a game by dividing itself in two, the 'I AM' and 'I AM NOT.' So like a cloud that splits itself into two, the I AM split into two and became a game where one part played the other, i.e., I AM vs. AM NOT.
Many years ago I read Conversations with God-Book One by Neale Donald Walsch. Since then, I have reread it at least seven times because its ideas resonate so deeply. I realize I have been pondering the ideas contained in this book for many years which is why my experiences jibe so completely with a book the author claims is a direct communication with the Divine through automated writing.
On page 22 he says, "In the beginning, that which Is is all there was, and there was nothing else. Yet All That Is could not know itself — because All That Is is all there was, and there was nothing else. And so, All that Is...was not. For in the absence of something else, All That Is, is not."
But this was no fun because I AM or, the all that Is, knew it still was. It knew that it was also I AM NOT, so it had to make the game more exciting and the I AM chose to forget it had created the I AM NOT and the whole game of being human began: seeing through the illusion of the I AM NOT to reveal the 'I AM,' out of which paradoxically the I AM NOT came anyway.
This is why sages have said that we end up where we start because there is nothing but awareness, or I AM. We are all the I AM and we have created others and the world as the 'I AM NOT,' but that is an illusion, a game every human being plays at. In spiritual awakening the game is seen for what it is as a sardonic cosmic joke played on human beings.
And yet the game remains hidden. As Kundalini gradually rises, the game is revealed as a game, at least that is how it happened for me. Before Kundalini rose, I had read about the 'Divine Leela' or the Divine play, but I didn't understand or realize its significance. The realization came out of the rising energy. Others have realized "the cosmic game" without attributing it to Kundalini, which makes me think that the ultimate realization is not dependent on Kundalini rising and it is I that made the link causal, i.e., the ultimate realization being the result of Kundalini.
But what if it's not. What if it's the result of learning to be self-observant? Being careful to be honest and authentic about what resonates for me as truth and what I can validate by my experience.
I remember a spiritual teacher once saying, "So you want Enlightenment, then you must be prepared to get into a street fight with yourself'." You have to stop projecting blame on others and turn the light inwards — be honest about what is going on inside yourself. Getting into a street fight with yourself or the I AM NOT means the end of blame and the beginning of responsibility.
It's not easy, for taking responsibility doesn't mean turning the blame on yourself either. This is a mistake I made for many years, blaming myself for everything.
People have said I was too hard on myself, and looking back I can see that I was. I was trying to rid myself of ego! By blaming myself for everything, putting myself down at every opportunity, and being annoyingly humble, I thought I could purify myself. Lurking beneath this false humility was a quietly growing spiritual ego that looked down on those not following a declared spiritual path. Thinking back on my folly, I cringe as I write this. But as other contributors to this blog have noted: authenticity and honesty, as well as vigilance and awareness, are required on this path. Now I am much kinder to myself and life is magical and wonderful in so many different ways.
On page 22 he says, "In the beginning, that which Is is all there was, and there was nothing else. Yet All That Is could not know itself — because All That Is is all there was, and there was nothing else. And so, All that Is...was not. For in the absence of something else, All That Is, is not."
But this was no fun because I AM or, the all that Is, knew it still was. It knew that it was also I AM NOT, so it had to make the game more exciting and the I AM chose to forget it had created the I AM NOT and the whole game of being human began: seeing through the illusion of the I AM NOT to reveal the 'I AM,' out of which paradoxically the I AM NOT came anyway.
This is why sages have said that we end up where we start because there is nothing but awareness, or I AM. We are all the I AM and we have created others and the world as the 'I AM NOT,' but that is an illusion, a game every human being plays at. In spiritual awakening the game is seen for what it is as a sardonic cosmic joke played on human beings.
And yet the game remains hidden. As Kundalini gradually rises, the game is revealed as a game, at least that is how it happened for me. Before Kundalini rose, I had read about the 'Divine Leela' or the Divine play, but I didn't understand or realize its significance. The realization came out of the rising energy. Others have realized "the cosmic game" without attributing it to Kundalini, which makes me think that the ultimate realization is not dependent on Kundalini rising and it is I that made the link causal, i.e., the ultimate realization being the result of Kundalini.
But what if it's not. What if it's the result of learning to be self-observant? Being careful to be honest and authentic about what resonates for me as truth and what I can validate by my experience.
I remember a spiritual teacher once saying, "So you want Enlightenment, then you must be prepared to get into a street fight with yourself'." You have to stop projecting blame on others and turn the light inwards — be honest about what is going on inside yourself. Getting into a street fight with yourself or the I AM NOT means the end of blame and the beginning of responsibility.
It's not easy, for taking responsibility doesn't mean turning the blame on yourself either. This is a mistake I made for many years, blaming myself for everything.
People have said I was too hard on myself, and looking back I can see that I was. I was trying to rid myself of ego! By blaming myself for everything, putting myself down at every opportunity, and being annoyingly humble, I thought I could purify myself. Lurking beneath this false humility was a quietly growing spiritual ego that looked down on those not following a declared spiritual path. Thinking back on my folly, I cringe as I write this. But as other contributors to this blog have noted: authenticity and honesty, as well as vigilance and awareness, are required on this path. Now I am much kinder to myself and life is magical and wonderful in so many different ways.
Ramakrishna said, "A man's spiritual consciousness is not awakened unless his Kundalini is aroused." And while I believe this to be true, there are degrees. Of what? Of the amount of distilled sexual energy diverted to the brain; it depends on the trigger.
ReplyDeleteIn my case, massive amounts of energy rose up my spine all at once. That's what happens when Kundalini meditation completes. Not something that goes unnoticed.
In other cases, smaller, undetected amounts of energy are fed to the brain. The subject undergoes an awakening experience, but may not be aware of the energy flow.
Gopi Krishna researched this and hypothesized that genius was the result of Kundalini. Whether or not the subject was aware of the energy that triggered his/her enlighten state, genius, or meta-normal abilities is beside the point. Bio-neurological energy is always stimulated and present.
Taken to a logical extreme, this means is there are degrees of awakening.
Thanks for your comment JJ. I can really only go on how awake I was before Kundalini rose and how awake I am now. Before Kundalini rose I was drawn intuitively to the writings of sages but couldn't really grasp what was being pointed at. I was focussed on the finger, whether that was the finger of the writings of the sages, or the finger of practicing meditation or some other spiritual practice. After Kundalini rose my focus was on the moon itself not on any finger that pointed to it. It is such a difficult thing to write about it's something that is felt and any attempt to reduce it to some kind of process does it a gross injustice. For me, awakening was the shift from looking at the finger to experiencing the moon. I don't know whether this shift is the mark of a full awakening or not....who does?....
DeleteI wasn't so much talking about the effects of Kundalini (the degree of awakening) as I was the biological elements engaged in triggering it: that our biology is always involved.
DeleteI was commenting on your statement: "Others have realized 'the cosmic game' without attributing it to Kundalini, which makes me think that the ultimate realization is not dependent on Kundalini rising and it is I that made the link causal, i.e., the ultimate realization being the result of Kundalini." That, according to Ramakrishna and Gopi Krishna, is not possible: Kundalini and its concomitant sexual sublimation process is always present to some degree.
But yes, awakenings (the effects Kundalini confers on a given subject) are varied.
Thinking about the 'biological elements' that raised the Kundalini I find myself returning once again to the belief I have that the raising of Kundalini is linked to the development of consciousness of the right side of the brain. This however is just my own hypothesis based on my own experience and also a certain amount of common sense and non ego inflation. There was definitely an element of psychological trauma associated the first time it rose and thereafter a period of psychological turbulence as I underwent the effects of the purification process which inevitably follows any rising of Kundalini. What you say about sexual sublimation is interesting as I have struggled with long term intimate sexual relationships so there may be something in that....
DeleteI have often wondered this myself. Does kundalini always precede illumination? Can it be gradual and in the background or is it always a large-scale event that is distinct and obvious?
DeleteI agree with Margaret about the density of esoteric literature becoming easier to grasp post-awakening. In my case, the third eye started throbbing from inside during the first week after awakening. In that period, everything I was reading online about religions and the revelations I was receiving due to the third eye opening was making everything absolutely clear. The difference between the finger and the moon was comprehended once and for all.
What makes things tougher for seekers pre-awakening is also the fact that a lot of esoteric literature was encoded and cloaked in secrecy on purpose. Case in point, Alchemy and it's 'lead to gold' metaphor used for the base and crown chakra respectively. The other parts that are confusing are because of the mythology and stories created around concepts such as heaven. Everyone has a pre-conceived notion of those concepts and they are the barrier to understanding what, for example, Jesus means when he says "The kingdom of heaven is within" when the concept of heaven conjures up images of angels with harps on clouds.
Wonderful post Margaret. The part where you say the I AM created the I AM NOT is reflected in Kashmir Shaivism. The concept of maya and kanchukas or veils where the I AM creates limitations. I AM just this body or I AM living in this era. It is the path from that state of limitedness to the true boundless unlimited state that the soul travels on the 'Stairway to Heaven' of kundalini.
ReplyDeleteAlso, thank you for the part where you say you spend time blaming yourself. I have spent countless hours beating myself up for a lot of things that I should have let go. Excessive self-blame. It has been my problem as well. I feel your pain.
This journey teaches us something every moment. Finding the balance between confidence without hubris on the one hand and a calm inner strength but with humble surrender to the divine on the other is a moment to moment balancing act. The pendulum swings between yin and yang as we grasp at the tao.
It takes a lot of courage to be self-critical and to find the weakness in our behavior and is the first step towards correcting course. I applaud you for your candor and slipping out of one more layer of the ego and it's attempts to usurp the process.
Thanks Vivek, all roads point to Rome eh; what is interesting is that in the modern day texts which their authors claim to have been channelled or automated that it is exactly the same Truths but in the conventional language of the day which are being delivered. From my experience there seems to be two processes that go on when Kundalini awakens. One is the increasing levels of understanding and insights which correspond to well documented Truths and the other is the purification of the consciousness by taking the blame onto ourselves, even though ultimately this is not necessary, but it seems to be a stage that awakening goes through.
DeleteI love what you say about the pendulum swinging between ying and yang while we grasp at the tao - that really resonates. It reminds me of the Hindu practice of Neti, Neti (not this, not this) and so by identifying everything that is 'not this' we arrive at 'THIS or THAT'
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ReplyDeleteThank you very much for your comment. Why I am so happy to be a contributor on this blog is that for me as a contributor it is all about authentic spirituality, being honest about my spiritual experiences and the insights that arise from them. This blog is more about experience and less about knowledge and all of the contributors have the integrity and authenticity that can only come with experience. Your acknowledgement and appreciation is very warmly received....thank you....
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