The ego has an immense amount of control over who we are as people and how we interact with our surroundings. Overtime, we develop habits and rationalize our beliefs to conform to a certain world-view. We have been programmed for power, competition, yet insulted and humiliated into submission by a system of education that demands conformity. We have been, in effect, shrunk down in size. Resentment for achievement — typified by the use of smear tactics to "bring down" public figures — has developed into a favorite social sport, aided and abetted by a complicit media. In fact, public opinion is shaped by what we are told to think about someone or some issue.
Original drawing by the author of his Kundalini awakening, circa 2008 |
When the Kundalini energy awakens, making you aware of your ego and it's convoluted grip on your soul, it's a shock to the system. Then comes the difficult task of facing the ego mechanism within you, at the same time you realize you must eventually side with the energy in bringing about its destruction.
In my case, for the longest time, I was a gullible person, incautious about the kind of people I associated with. Sound judgment of character and looking beyond the surface eluded me. This led to a series of associations that were not in my best interest. I was manipulated and didn't even know it. When the energy awakened, my third eye area in the center of the forehead throbbed incessantly for a few weeks, producing an avalanche of knowledge, insights, understanding of the nature of reality and consciousness. Within the first few weeks, the process of overhauling my psyche had begun. I was told by my inner voice — the higher power guiding me — to be patient and to go along with the changes, even though they might be difficult.
In my case, for the longest time, I was a gullible person, incautious about the kind of people I associated with. Sound judgment of character and looking beyond the surface eluded me. This led to a series of associations that were not in my best interest. I was manipulated and didn't even know it. When the energy awakened, my third eye area in the center of the forehead throbbed incessantly for a few weeks, producing an avalanche of knowledge, insights, understanding of the nature of reality and consciousness. Within the first few weeks, the process of overhauling my psyche had begun. I was told by my inner voice — the higher power guiding me — to be patient and to go along with the changes, even though they might be difficult.
When the energy began churning my spine, there were intense feelings of hatred, anger, resentment at being misled by others, a collapse of my self-esteem which had been based on the old me, someone totally unaware of his mistakes and the machinations of others he had considered friends. As more and more repressed trauma was churned up to the surface, the loss of self-esteem and my feelings of despair continued. I had to keep reminding myself: these are thoughts. They are in my mind. We all possess anxieties and fear about our future. Before my awakening, I was a stressed out individual, constantly worried about the future.
The cleansing process ripped through my self-esteem and false rationalizations, but left the part of my mind that was stress-prone and scared unchanged, making things worse. To cope with this aspect of myself, I understood I would need to find methods that utilized my conscious mind.
By this time, I had begun using guided chakra meditation CDs as well as Indian classical music, electronic music with soothing pulsating rhythms that caused the energy to move to its rhythm. The practice of meditation helped a lot. So did reading about the personal experiences of others who had gone through this before me. Overtime, even through the stages of depression, a constant state of mental agitation and mental misery, I started seeing a few patterns.
First and foremost, our brains are like recording mechanisms, like a cassette tape. They record data gathered by the senses from birth, which ultimately becomes the mind, our operating system. Usually a repetitive pattern of set routines, limited assumptions of the world outside and enough independence to operate within the system.
In my case, this tape was being erased at a fast pace. To instill constructive habits, I realized it was important to replace the erased patterns with newer, radically different ideas.
Mindful awareness and affirmations became very useful tools for me and so did learning new skills to re-program the brain. Using an activity that uses both hands, like playing the guitar, helps overcome left-brain dominance and creates new pathways in brain just as the energy is changing its entire structure. The energy makes you aware of the potential you possess and the gifts that can be channeled towards improving not only your skills, but your self-worth as well.
Mindful awareness is the practice of observing each action, each thought, every interaction we have with others and witness the do-er from a higher state — the observer separate from the person doing the action. As one goes into deeper meditative states and practices meditation longer, it becomes easier to use mindful awareness in your daily practice. The mind becomes a very powerful device during a Kundalini awakening.
During a period of a few months, I was able to bring people and events into my life just by thinking about them. This proved to be a problem for my old stress-filled mind, full of fears and worries as it compounded the problems and made my life worse. Our thoughts and ideas, repeated over time, influence our actions and create our future reality. This was a powerful revelation. The use of positive affirmations became a very useful tool. I taped positive affirmations in my own voice and played them on my iPod at night as I went to sleep, allowing the sub-conscious to pick up those suggestions. At other times, I would listen to them using headphones and repeat the words, visualizing the desired outcome.
These tools can be used by anyone. In fact, it is a great idea to use positive affirmations and mindfulness to bring about a change in your life for good rather than allow society and programming from commercials decide your destiny.
Another useful technique was the practice of cathartic writing. Waking up each morning after the energy had churned up some traumatic material, I would then write it down, stream of consciousness style, paying no heed to grammar or coherence. Once the rubbish was on paper, I was free of it, able to move to the next phase. Using the cassette tape analogy again, effectively, cathartic writing helped me discard the programming in my brain that was identified by the Kundalini energy.
Mindful awareness helped me stay in this new state without reverting back to old habits. Using affirmations and doing totally new things, learning new skills, singing, playing the guitar, learning Spanish helped me guide the nascent force inside me to create a new me, writing my own program this time. As a bonus, I was able to make very fast progress in all my chosen pursuits now that the "doors of perception" were open.
Vivek,
ReplyDeleteI posted a take on this subject a while back. Conclusions and actions very similar to yours.
It's amazing how Kundalini leads some of us to the same conclusions, albeit from different points of departure: Me to the Gurdjieff/Ouspensky self-remembering system, you to Mindful Awareness, and Margaret Dempsey to Landmark Education — all three systems riding shotgun, so to speak, on the Kundalini process, harnessing the power of the rational mind to help the Kundalini power assume its rightful role.
Thank you sir. you are right. it is eerie. wow. I just read your post and that is how i felt. I would be in the throes of some deep, angry thought-construct and would have to wake myself up and get the mind back to the self. It also helped me to see each extreme emotion as one pole of reality and that the opposite pole was also equally valid. I would try and find the middle path, then managing to view the entire conflict and the two poles through objective eyes. The tao and it's teachings came in handy. I would start doing alternate nostril breathing and get some relief. Basically, anything I could use to bring awareness back to the 'self'.
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