Self-Awareness: Can it be Developed?

Success in the spiritual journey depends on one's level of self-awareness. Okay, suppose this is true: how does one become more self-aware? The first step is to recognize and accept that there is more to our minds* than we realize, more, in fact, than we use on a daily basis.

One way of developing self-awareness is to consider pain.

When I have a pain, I feel it as separate from myself, therefore who is it that is feeling the pain? If I was the pain, I wouldn't be able to observe it and see it was separate from me, therefore who is it that knows that it is separate? To begin to grasp this is the beginning of self-awareness. Awareness of the Self — which is not the ego self but is another Self, the Self that is constantly watching everything that is going on. Not the self that is having a constantly running commentary about what is going on — that is the ego self. So who is it that is watching the constant commentary from a neutral position — just like a mirror reflecting everything without adding or taking away anything? There is something that is watching, not judging. It never judges. It watches dispassionately. Begin to ponder on what it is that is watching and you have made the first breakthrough into Self-awareness. Buddhists have termed this watching "witnessing or the witness consciousness."

Don't despair if your efforts to experience this witness consciousness seem futile. In the early days it's like this. I can remember feeling very frustrated because the moment I came out of mind and connected with the witness, a thought about that connection broke the contact. Keep going and there will come a day when the witness consciousness is permanent and won't require meditation to experience it. Another good practice for cultivating this relationship is mindfulness; in fact, mindfulness is the same as the witness consciousness.

Another effective practice for developing self-awareness is to constantly monitor every thought, feeling and action. When somebody says or does something to you, notice what effect that has on you. Don't judge the reaction you have as being good or bad, just notice that it is there. On the spiritual journey the goal is never getting carried away by what someone else says or does, but in recording your reaction to it. The constant question should be: "What is this situation or person showing me about myself?"

Reaction is never about the other, it's always about the ego self. In the past, people used to tell me that I was too hard on myself because I never projected out onto others, I always took it within to see what I could learn from it. Instead of projecting or defending I used it to develop my own self-awareness.

I took this to the limit. Not only did I identify what it said about me, I judged what I saw as wrong. I judged myself as not kind/generous/patient and then used that to beat myself up and consider myself wrong. This is not the way.

Yes, watch your own reactions, but don't add to those reactions. They are just reactions. You can learn from them, but don't judge them as being right or wrong or meaning anything about you. Not indicting yourself is the biggest challenge. It leads down a cul de sac of needless suffering.

I have learned to examine my reactions to events in my life dispassionately. I am an observer watching everything that happens, but reacting to none of it. And yet...I'm not dead! I have a vibrant love of life and enter fully and completely into what I do. There's nothing vapid or morbid about me. I respond to events rather than react to them and that makes all the difference to my self-awareness and quality of life. 

Mooji tells a story of three birds who are on different branches of a tree. The bird on the first branch is busy building a nest, totally engrossed in what it is doing. The bird on the second branch is doing nothing simply watching the first bird being really busy; and then there is a third bird that is watching both the bird that is doing and the one that is watching. He directs those who are listening to him to the third bird and asks, "What is that bird?" Which suggests to me there is something beyond the second bird — the watcher.

In my spiritual journey I have experienced the second bird, and as I only speak and write about what I have experienced, I will leave the significance of the third bird for later.

* Perhaps the Sanskrit term, Atman, conveys the intention here: atman–has many meanings in Sanskrit that include: soul, breath, the Self, one's self (as a reflexive pronoun), mind, body, the Supreme Soul, etc. 

Happiness Influences DNA

Recently, researchers discovered that the type of “happiness” an individual experiences actually influences that individual’s genetic profile.

The researchers examined the biological implications of both hedonic, pleasure seeking happiness, and eudaimonic* happiness, contentment from a life of purpose and meaning, through the lens of the human genome — a system of some 21,000 genes that has evolved fundamentally to help humans survive and be well. 

The researchers drew blood samples from 80 healthy adults who were assessed for hedonic and eudaimonic well-being, as well as potentially confounding negative psychological and behavioral factors. The team used the CTRA gene-expression profile to map the potentially distinct biological effects of hedonic and eudaimonic well-being. 

While those with eudaimonic well-being showed favorable gene-expression profiles in their immune cells and those with hedonic well-being showed an adverse gene-expression profile, “people with high levels of hedonic well-being didn’t feel any worse than those with high levels of eudaimonic well-being,” said Steven Cole, a University of California, Los Angeles, professor of medicine.

Both seemed to have the same high levels of positive emotion. However, their genomes were responding very differently even though their emotional states were similarly positive.

The study, published in the Journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, said doing good and feeling good have very different effects on the human genome, even though they generate similar levels of positive emotion.

Apparently, the human genome is much more sensitive to different ways of achieving happiness than are conscious minds,” Cole said.

From the above, it follows that our behaviors (such as the ability to put oneself in another’s place, care for, and/or empathize with others) impacts DNA and DNA transmission. Couple this with practices (such as Yoga, meditation, Reiki, Tai Chi) that actually trigger super-consciousness and you have a well-rounded recipe not only for influencing DNA, but for self-realization as well.

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Imagine a feedback instrument capable of monitoring the levels of eudaimonic well-being in real-time. With this type of instrument, everyone — not just Kundalini adepts — would receive continual feedback on their behavioral states and would be able to “pull themselves back” to the eudaimonic norm when tempted to act selfishly or immoderately. Likewise, Kundalini adepts, especially those in the early disorienting stages, would be able to harmonize their behavior with the pranic forces of super-consciousness.

In the early stages after Kundalini activation, the initiate gets pulled in many directions at the same time. Eventually, he/she is able to recognize, accept, and integrate the various effects and phases of the Kundalini experience. Having a biofeedback device to monitor behavior would help initiates integrate the pranic energy Kundalini generates.

Now I realize that studies like the above may leave you scratching your head, wondering if it's for real. Is it science? Is it metaphysics? Is it gobbledygook? Does it have any real world value? Is the author citing another study and moving on, leaving me, the reader, to derive what I can, hoping I won’t question the study’s authenticity?

All I can add is: I wasn’t there when this study was conducted. So let me see if I can make it more relevant by relating it to my own experience.

After my Kundalini activated, most of my hedonistic tendencies disappeared immediately. I didn’t have to work on eradicating them, didn’t have to pray to God to deliver me from temptation. Gone was the desire for drugs and alcohol. Gone was the thrill of wild parties. Chasing women; gone overnight. This happened when I was 35. I didn’t have to grow old, watch myself continue to lust after the hedonic. I consider myself lucky. There’s nothing more pitiful than watching someone of advancing age fall victim to continued dissipation. Once I comprehended the vastness of the force I had awakened, I gave thanks at no longer being motivated solely by the pursuit of pleasure.

A couple of years before this, while I was in college. I used to hang out in a bar on Pennsylvania Avenue, close to the George Washington University campus with a disparate group: students, young couples, artists, writers, professionals, quasi-criminals, recent graduates, job hunters. One day, two guys, who obviously weren’t college students, showed up. At first, we thought they were attracted by the girls. But that wasn’t it. It was the ambiance, the camaraderie, at least at first. One guy I’ll call Frank became an everyday regular. He liked being with the students, liked talking with us.

Turns out he had just retired from the US Navy at 37-years-old. He had a small apartment in Foggy Bottom, used to invite students for chili dinners on Saturdays. Beer and chili. No drugs. Frank didn’t approve. It was in the early 60s, before drugs became a universal staple.

Frank spent more and more time in that bar, just drinking. I watched him age. His face was a journal of his condition. Day-to-day it reflected his worsening state. Not only did his whole appearance — face, skin, hands, arms — age rapidly, he became glassy-eyed, as if he was looking through you while speaking directly to you. It was graphic, but in my hedonic state — my mid-twenties — I thought Frank just another good ‘ol boy enjoying the ambiance of the bar scene.

From stopping to chat with him, I began nodding and passing by quickly. Sometimes he’d be sprawled over his table, passed out. His friend would carry him home.

Having witnessed the efficacy of AA in my father’s life, I tried to talk to Frank about it once. To no avail. The Frank that first walked into the bar shortly after his retirement was no more. He was an empty vessel, drained of sense and spirit. He lived to drink.

I frequently look back those early days with wonder at the person I once was. How I went one way and Frank another. Frank had his whole life in front of him. A generous retirement, a genuinely nice person, yet he drank himself to death at 38, one year after retiring. Why him and not me? I consumed as much as he did, was often drunker and more out of control. Yet, I have always been optimistic about life, believing that I would find ways to remove myself from the grip of bad habits and materialistic urges. This evolutionary impulse was very strong; it led me away from pessimism, fatalism, and negative emotion. It led me to Kundalini meditation. I was able to change my nature and Frank wasn’t. Thinking about Frank makes this study real for me.

By altering brain chemistry, Kundalini produces an entirely new being, one much less inclined to hedonic, pleasure seeking happiness. It actually helps eudaimonic tendencies flourish.

I found meaning in my life and Frank didn’t. I jumped five layers of Maslow’s pyramid, from Belonging & Love Needs to the Self-Actualization layer in one do-not-pass-go leap. By the way, it wasn’t me that jumped those five layers in the Maslow pyramid; It jumped me. Kundalini did. That’s the way it works if you let it. Doesn’t happen overnight. You have to surrender, not see it as some sort of character aberration or soul warp. Not fall victim to depression. And that’s difficult because Kundalini wants to erase your ego and start you over from scratch. An empty vessel that gradually integrates the wonders of super-consciousness into everyday life.

Kundalini drained me just as alcohol drained Frank. Two sorts of empty vessels: one whose ego, indoctrination, conditioning were swept away in one fell swoop by Kundalini; the other, a vessel whose soul was anathematized by alcohol.
It’s not like I went out one day to search for meaning; I didn’t. I began a meditation practice that involved breathing. One thing led to another. Relatively simple breathing exercises led to the activation of a biological process that overhauled my being. Is this so unusual, something only I could accomplish? Is feeling happy the right way really so boring, so unexciting? Before Kundalini, I felt the pull of hedonic living day and night. Felt sorry for those living normal lives. What a joke life plays on us — that the hedonistic life style our culture exalts is an illusion many discover too late. At the same time, Being Happy the right way remains largely ignored. 

*According to Aristotle, eudaimonia actually requires activity, action, so that it is not sufficient for a person to possess a squandered ability or disposition. Eudaimonia requires not only good character but rational activity.

This material is excerpted from JJ Semple's book, The Biology of Consciousness: Case Studies in Kundalini, © Life Force Books and JJ Semple, 2014. All Rights Reserved. Publication date, July 2013.

My Kundalini Experience

Kundalini was the last thing on my mind when I had my experience. I was fully entrenched in a practical life, leading a normal existence. Occasionally, I experienced stirrings of spiritual emptiness, but most of the time I was engrossed in getting through my day.

I was at a party one day and met a woman who said she was a Tantrica. Although very sweet, she seemed a bit eccentric to me. She insisted that I "eye-gaze" with her and after her reassurance that it was quite benign, I agreed. I felt a little silly, lying next to her and staring at her eyes. Sometimes I'm way too polite to say no.

A few moments later, electric shocks starting whipping up my spine. They were not painful, but I could here a "Kraa-aaa-ck" sound. It was like being hit by lighting bolts of energy, the sheer force of which, threw me onto my back. I had read about Kundalini, but I never thought it was a physical reality. After a few minutes, the bolts subsided and I sat up. I don't know who was more surprised, the Tantrica or me. She said she'd never witnessed anything like this and wanted to explore it further with me.

Intrigued, I scheduled a session with the Tantrica and a few days later I was eye-gazing with her again. At this point, I still thought it was silly, but I had nothing to lose. What's more, I could not deny the lightning bolts I had felt a few days before.

We continued to eye-gaze and suddenly, something opened in my lower spine. It felt like a dam had burst in my sacrum and as that happened, energy started pushing its way up my spine. The force was tremendous. It felt like sparkling white light. I sat up in shock, at which point the energy got stuck in the center of my chest. My chest was on fire and the Tantrica did something that "opened" the area. The energy then burst through my chest as it continued flow up my spine.

Because of the sheer force of the energy rising up my spine, I could barely sit up, so I crouched down, putting my head on my knees. That seemed to be the only position I could maintain. I lost control of my body, completely at the mercy of this energy.

After some time, I was able to sit up and the energy burst into my brain. When I closed my eyes, I found myself in a different dimension, consisting of infinite white light and I was above it. Above the white light there was nothing. Just emptiness and a feeling of peace.

I had 360° vision, as if I was flying above the cloud cover in an airplane, able to see everything.

As long as I kept my eyes closed I did not feel the sheer force of the energy rising up my spine, so I remained in that space. Suddenly I received a telepathic Knowing, as if the words were being spoken inside of me. Someone was speaking to me and I understood the words at the same instant they were uttered. Almost like, two light bulbs lighting up together. The communication was instantaneous.

The being said,"I have loved you from eternity, I did not just start loving you because I have never stopped."

I was overcome by such intense bliss It became unbearable. I opened my eyes. As I did, I returned to everyday reality, unable to exercise the usual rational control as the energy kept rising. So I closed my eyes and returned to the space of the light.

Again, It spoke, "This is just a raindrop of my power."

Telepathically I replied, "And look what It has done to me?"

Again, the feeling of intense, unbearable bliss filled my being and I opened my eyes. I lay down on the floor and let the energy course through my body.

Finally, the force of the energy slowed down. It felt like a river meandering up my spine. Eventually, it stopped as I tried to comprehend what had happened.

I looked at the time. Six hours had passed. I had completely lost track of time during this event.

When I finally came to, my rational mind could not digest the experience. I blamed the Tantrica for taking an undue risk with me. What if I'd had a seizure or become psychotic? I left her house and refused to take her calls just as I refused to acknowledge the experience. I completely shut down and fell into depression. I felt alone and frightened.

As time passed I was able to pull myself out of the depression and get on with my life. Slowly, I integrated this experience into my everyday life.

How to Hide a Monk in Plain Sight

"Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz?
My friends all drive Porsches and I must make amends."
~ Mercedes Benz, lyrics by Janis Joplin

After my awakening, one revelation I had, more important than any other, was that human beings are slaves to repetitive behavioral patterns. The less awareness you bring to day-to-day actions, the more likely the possibility of remaining stuck. Uttering the same lines, repeating the same anecdotes and jokes for years, responding the same way to a favorite food, smell or sensation, and most important, reacting the same way to powerful stimuli like lust for sex and greed for money or material belongings. Especially powerful is the tendency to compare yourself with your peers. Like the song says, my friends all have Porsches, I have to make amends.

In my last post, I touched on the various Yamas and Niyamas. Before my awakening, when I was living the consumer avatar with gusto, I was buying fancy clothes. New, expensive designer stuff every month. Never even wore them twice. But the minute I saw the next new pair of designer jeans, I wanted them. Why? Because society trains us that way. To crave more and more. Desiring a nice set of clothes is not the problem. Never feeling satisfied no matter how much you have, is.



Kundalini brings unfulfilled wishes to the surface. I had a choice. Fulfill them and be done with the craving. Learn to enjoy the object without craving the next one. "Lord give me this," once granted, lived and no longer craved, is then removed, never to be replaced with more of the same. This, more than anything, is the greatest blessing. It is a cliché to say "enjoy the small things in life," but really, that is what it's all about. Whatever has been said so far echoes something very similar. Live in this moment. Drop illusions. Enjoy life as it is. Be grateful for each moment and live happily.

It is a misconception to think that kundalini leads to a rejection of the material world or wealth, or that it instills a craving for renunciation or vairagya. The true meaning of vairagya is non-attachment to wealth. If I decide to renounce my worldly possessions and live in a cave, the basic temptation is still there. It has only been suppressed. In fact, creating a polarized anti-material point of view will make the rebound that much more difficult. True renunciation includes a pragmatic aspect. When it comes from within as a consequence of a kundalini awakening, you could be a billionaire and be totally unattached to your wealth. Yes, I possess these things, but I am not described by them. Neither do I fear losing them.

Yes, you need these things, but you learn to separate needs from wants. Your needs are for living a fulfilling life, not to join the rat race to show others how much more you have. That will only lead to disappointment if the other person remains unimpressed. All illusion is created by the ego. Understanding this, you focus on real needs, you are not tempted by every new shiny object, and you do not consume to impress others.

Once an individual awakens, The Adjustment Bureau mechanism set in place by society jumps into full-rectify mode. Look, your buddy is now a CEO. He drives such and such a car. That guy has a giant screen home theater. 

Still worse is the destructive chatter the mind throws out: dire images of poverty, fears of ending up on the street begging, etc. The sub-conscious mind generates these negative images and emotions. Society feeds people fear as a control mechanism, making them more likely to live out the fate they fear most. Create dark ideas and they will manifest themselves. Create feelings of gratitude and more will find a way into your life.

Society wants you to become a robot and constantly run after another dangling carrot. If you stop and think for a minute about what you really want, the whole mechanism will collapse. What do you actually need? Food, clothing and shelter. Once those are taken care of, a life lived to the maximum of its potential is much more rewarding.

Effectively, one becomes a monk and lives hidden in plain sight. I drive a nice car; I live in a nice house; heck, I even trade stocks and make money in the stock market. I have a family. Definitely not a cave-dwelling ascetic. But within me, each of these things fulfill a purpose. My own dharma. More and more, they are done with total detachment to the outcome. Each action done for it's own sake. Being a good householder and fulfilling your karma towards your family is a good use of the three lower chakras.

The lower three chakras are firmly in the physical realm. The base chakra is involved with matters of survival and earning a living. A healthy way to deal with it is to optimize your profession and align it with your real self. To not run after making the most money. Living in a cave is actually unhealthy self-abuse and creates new blockages if you neglect survival and other basic needs. The sacral chakra, expressed in a positive way leads to healthier sexual relationships and creative expression. Lust and craving are resolved in a healthy way. Living in a monastery, but yearning for sex is not helpful. Learning to cope with success is sometimes harder than learning to cope with failure. If you keep your ego in check and stay on an even keel, despite adulation and a growing sense of accomplishment, you have prevented third chakra blockages.

That is the reason every method of kundalini awakening, raja yoga, Kabalah or the Tao emphasizes balance. If this is misunderstood, the mind creates a no-win dualistic scenario: self-deprivation and monastic abnegation on the one hand, wanton self-indulgence on the other. Neither path leads to awakening. The path towards self-realization is about two things, Intent and Balance. It is not enough to have intent; it is important to learn balance. Going to extremes of hermetic renunciation and keeping yourself away from society will have no positive impact on the quest and will only inflate the spiritual ego.

None of the measures mentioned in the Raja Yoga post need to be done with spartan discipline. A gentle nudge towards simpler means suffices. The goal is to recognize craving and programmed behavior, and to move away from them.

Desiring a comfortable existence in and of itself is not wrong or evil. Sexual desire is not wrong. But submitting to programmed indoctrination that renders you feeling dissatisfied, restless and craving has a negative impact on the smooth flow of energy within the chakras. The process of achieving balance is quite literally, a balancing act. It requires constant attention. You can't achieve it all at once; it is not a once and done process. You have to constantly train the mind to achieve mindful awareness.

Kundalini is a Gift...It's the Mind You Have to be Vigilant About

This week a man, who I will call John, phoned me to say that he'd had a Kundalini experience three years ago and his life was "falling apart." I immediately recognized this "falling apart" syndrome as the mind creating fear through its ubiquitous chatter.

If I opened up the brain and body of this man, I wouldn't find any "falling apart." I would find certain sensations, bodily experiences, thoughts, attitudes, but no "falling apart." I tried to slow his mind down by asking him to be specific about what he meant by "falling apart," asking him, "What are the thoughts, feelings, perceptions, attitudes you are having?" The difficulty he had in isolating what he meant showed me the degree to which the conceptual mind was running the show, and how much his mental activity was based on fear.

Over-stimulated Mind Creates Fear and Despair

Interestingly, or one could say ironically, he only used spiritual practices to ease the chronic back pain he had, saying that in the course of a five minute spiritual exercise, energy coursed up through his body and "everything changed."

Listening to him speak I was reminded of my state of mind three years into the experience: manic, making all kinds of connections, seeing synchronicities everywhere. Listening to him I was fascinated; it was like listening to an earlier version of myself.

Manic-like symptoms seem to be an inevitable part of a Kundalini awakening. The energy activates dormant areas in the brain, giving rise to an influx of new ideas and connections with little ability to be objective or witness these thoughts. At this stage there is little to be gained by trying to bring the consciousness down from its lofty heights because the person cannot hear it. At least, I couldn't. At this stage I was ringing up Kundalini yoga teachers berating them for advocating the raising of this energy without any information about the karmic history of the individuals in their classes.

At that time I had little trust in Kundalini, even though my own experience had been smooth. Yet, I sensed its power intuitively.

Looking back now at those conversations, I must have sounded so weird to the teachers who answered the phone and listened to my rant! If someone had tried to speak to me about "calming down" and "witnessing," I would have probably felt angry and unlistened to.

I realized it was the same situation with John. So I gave up any idea of talking to him about watching his thoughts without identifying or becoming absorbed with them and I decided to meet him on his own terms. This involved speaking about the manic ideas of religious conspiracies I'd had at the same stage of the process. I advised him not to do any spiritual practices and to find something that he could give his Word to (what I mean by WORD is to do what you said you would do when the mind says "it's the worst thing you could do"). Something that diverted his fascination with the contents of his consciousness, which are merely the result of an awakened Kundalini working on the nervous system.

The best way to do this is to make WORD more important than WANT. In saying this to him, a part of me hoped he would listen and find something he could commit to, that would divert his attention from the spiritual pitfalls of self-absorption and fascination. But at this stage, advice like this is not really heard. The ego mind is too busy trying to re-assert the control that was lost when Kundalini rose for the first time. It recognizes that the same ego-state is not possible because consciousness has shifted, but there still exists a small window of possibility for a spiritual ego which is where the insights, connections, synchronicities come from. I'm not for one moment saying that these are not real: witnessing and acknowledging that they are happening is perfectly okay. However, becoming absorbed and fascinated by them is the stumbling block in the process. I have not experienced the entire range of physical, mental and spiritual transformation which Kundalini induces. I see its effects very much on the brain and nervous system. Beyond that, I can't comment.

In 2013, I organized the First UK Conference on Kundalini. I had high hopes that the conference would promote greater understanding of Kundalini. Now I realize that Kundalini is different for everyone. There are no pat answers or sure ways of either raising or living with it. It is very much a path by the Alone for the Alone. Yes, there are fellow travelers who can share their journey, but their journey is not yours — you have to go through it alone. Just remember it is not Kundalini that is going to throw you off the path, leaving you in a spiritual wasteland, but your own mind with the thoughts it conjures up.

I wrote about the internet Satsangs, given by Mooji and the people sitting at his feet, either laughing hysterically (having apparently got the cosmic joke!) or else "falling apart," as John put it. One lady explained that she was "falling so apart," she went to the doctor who gave her anti-depressants that she takes, but doesn't want to. Mooji asked her one question, "Do you take these tablets when you are sleeping?" Confused, the woman replied "No."

Listening to this, something hit me and I realized: what happens during sleep that does not happen during the day? The answer came to me so clearly. It is mind. At night, the mind is asleep and therefore there are no thoughts of "falling apart," so the unbearable fear that accompanies such a thought cannot and does not occur. In that moment, I was grateful to Mooji for the insight I'd had. Kundalini is a gift. It is the mind you have to be vigilant about.

I AM

Meditation has been my way of learning about myself. I have been asking the question, "Who am I?"

The words "The Earth is my dream" flash in my mind and I ask, "Who am I?"

The answer I receive, "You are my creation."

And I fall deeper into myself as everything fades away and I dissolve into an energy field that is infinite. Call it the Unified Field, Energy Continuum, The Matrix, Spirit or God.

My ego says, "I am Simmi."

The field replies, "I AM."

I realize that my ego is like a looping labyrinth that always walks me back to the starting point no matter how I try to maneuver through it. Its job is to keep me identifying myself as separate from the whole. Once again, it walks me back to being Simmi and I say, "I am Simmi."

The field replies more emphatically.

"(No) I AM."

It shows me how a piece of the whole gets embodied as a separate being. Like a sliver being encased within the armor of Simmi.

"I am Simmi."

"(NO) I AM."

I feel I am in the mind of God and He has observed me into being. He has observed everything that exists into being. Creation are the thoughts of God manifested inside His being. When I lose the armor of Simmi, I am the whole. In the whole, thoughts float in an endless sea. The ego creates shape and time and dimension. It creates the illusion. I understand that since you exist you are important to the whole and you are exactly how you should be.

I ask again. "Who am I?"

And I awaken to.

I AM everything.